Where iz Brian?

Friday night and it’s my turn to do the ballet run down to Nyon, the town on the lake.  Three 10 year old budding ballerinas all tutus and hair nets pile excitedly into the back of the mini and off we go.  There’s Léa the girl from the auberge who never lets a silent minute go by, Courtney the shy one whose voice is barely audible above a whisper and my Lexi listening and waiting in the wings to draw Léa back into line when her hyperbole gets out of hand.

I love Léa.  She is a reality star in the making.  Her mum Nathalie is a kind, sweet natured woman from the Valley doubling up as Maître D’ of the auberge.  Dad is the French chef in the kitchen full of noise and laughter and ascerbic wit barely, but just,remaining on the side of politesse.  Léa has a good deal of her father in her. 

She is a great raconteur and many of her stories are no doubt apocryphal but only a miser would point that out to a ten year old.  My favourites involve her two giant rabbits Mommy G.  and Marshmallow -  which she pronounces Mashmalloooooowwww.  These two enormous rabbits, about twice the size of a domestic cat, are allowed to roam freely in their appartément above the auberge; a chaotic tumble of rooms which she shares with her morose brother and nice older sister.  This particular Friday she tells us the story of the time Mommy G., or it may have been Marshmallow she wasn’t quite sure, decided to wander downstairs into the restaurant and caused mayhem amongst the diners.

Cue Léa’s impersonation of an English woman, which entails lowering her voice but raising her nose, rushing into the kitchen.

“EST Il NORMAL monseigneur, ZAT ZER IZ ZE RABBIT IN THE RESTORRRANNNTT????!!!!”

(This leads Léa’s mind to jump to Gad Elmaleh the Moroccan-French stand up comedian who is a personal hero of her’s and rare is a Friday night without his name mentionned).

“Il va en Angleterre et tout ce qu’ il sait dire c’est quelques phrases d’anglais appris à l’école. (the first time Gad goes to England with his school boy English all he can remember to say is)

Ver iz Brian?”

“Where,” I say correcting her, the English teacher in me unable to resist.

“Verrrre.” she replies only slightly put out.   ”Ver iz Brian?  Brian iz in the kitchen.  Ver iz Jenny? (Brian’s sister)  Jenny is in the Bathrooooooommmmmm.  Et il rencontre une fille qui s’appelle Jenny (He meets a girl called Jenny in England and all he can say to her is).  Vot  are you doing here?  GET BACK IN ZE BATHROOOOOOMM.  Ahhahahahahaha.   C’était trop marrante.”

She is still talking when we pull into the car park of the auberge.

“Au revoir Léa,” I say.”  “Ah oui.  On est là,” she says disappointedly.  “Alors bon weekend les filles.”

I drive up to the top of the village to drop Courtney and then back home in complete silence.