You have potentially saved my relationship…or what’s left of it. Two years ago I met a gorgeous Swiss while traveling with my girlfriends in Europe. I was in awe by his intelligence and always felt so taken care of when I was around him. As a Latina being born in New York and having primarily dated Latin men I found it incredibly refreshing to not have someone constantly trying to get in my pants, until…

That became our issue.

Its no stereotype that we can be warm blooded people and having such a gorgeous, intellectual, well mannered, …the list goes on…man by my side – how can I not get turned on?? Especially considering I wouldn’t see him for months (up-to six) at a time. To then have him tell me “I’m not in the mood” or as others have said…completely shut off was mind boggling. I couldn’t help but to think that it was all me. Was he not attracted to me anymore, does he not find me sexy, is this his way of breaking up with me?? When I finally had the balls to bring it to his attention, he said that nothing was wrong and that he simply was not sexual. To which I thought…”yeaaah right”.

Now in a month he’s coming to visit me. Neither of us have been willing to move and with our intimacy problems and all I figured after this visit I should just cut my losses and call it quits…and then I read your blog and began to think …well maybe its not me after all.

For one reason or another…I have never felt this way about anyone. It’s a love that I feel to my core. Though he has promised he would move to the States, he hasn’t made any efforts. If I’ve learned something about Swiss, its that they’re not procrastinators and when they want to do something, they ‘ll do it. All in all, I KNOW he doesn’t want to move here.

I hope I haven’t bored you yet…but here is my dilemma. I’ve visited Switzerland several times, but I just can’t seem to adjust myself. Yes, I am a total city girl…but I think I can get used to the beautiful landscape. My problem is adjusting to the people. While his parents are completely sweet and I’ve been able to make friends quite easily with a few of his guy friends…I don’t really get a welcoming vibe from everyone else. I might be subconscious, but being from somewhere completely diverse I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I get some weird stares…like I’m something odd. Not to mention that I’ve had men try to approach me WHILE I’m with my boyfriend…which didn’t make sense to me considering they are supposed to be well-mannered. Someone mentioned to me that Latin and Asian women are often imported brides…which might be a sad truth but that doesn’t mean I am. His response to my feelings is that it is all in my head..which doesn’t make things easier for me.

I know our backgrounds are a bit different…but perhaps you can give me some sort of advice as to how to adjust and adapt. And another very very important question is how difficult is it for an American to find employment in Switzerland, especially considering I don’t speak German? I figure if after this visit I’m not able to shake him, I’ll have to move. I’m 26 so I figure I have a few years left to make some mistakes

Thank you for hearing me out and hopefully responding soon.

Best,
Brenda

Oh dear I fear he is playing with you. Do not be taken in by the serious and reserved looks, he may be Swiss but he’s still a guy and they love a bit of dirty talk (which is what I am translating from your word “intense” but correct me if I am wrong) whether by email/text or phone. Remember the David Beckham saga?
What I am going to encourage you to do is send an email asking him outright whether he would like to meet and whether he is single. Get to the truth, don’t be his play thing. You can’t be shy with this you should have more self esteem. Let me know how you get on.

I’ve just come across this blog . Wonderful! I want it to run up for lifesaving blog of the year!
My story, in a nutshell. I meet this wonderful swiss german man on holiday. He’s on holiday with his son, from which I assume he’s a single father. Now, because of the presence of his son I’m always embarrassed and although we do get to talk a few times, I never dare go on and chat him up. Besides, he looks very serious and reserved!But…he’s too cute to be let go without even a try. So, in a way that I won’t tell now (it’s a long story) I manage to let him have my email, so that we’ll get in touch only if he wishes to. Surprise surprise, he does write to me. We start writing each other more or less once a week, then once a day, then even more! The tone of emails changes: from formal or detached (at least according to Italian standards, and I am Italian) to more affectionate, or so it seems. He even wrote me ‘sei bellissima’, in Italian! Well, that doesn’t happen all the time of course . In brief, we’re getting to know each other and I do like this man. Now the question is: do adult swiss germans, or swiss in general, usually get penfriends just to spend some time in virtual conversations (we’re both above thirty , we have a regular, rewarding social life, and we do not chat) whom they nickname in such affectionate ways? This things has been going on for a month now, and correspondence has become more intensive (and, I dare say, intense) for a couple of weeks. I would like to step forward and say we’d meet up, but I’m afraid this would be too much, or would be considered intrusive and do not want him to feel that way. I’m afraid, though, that his timings are quite ‘relaxed’…but even so, thinking about timings would be sooo positive: that would mean that at least there is some hope for improvement… Besides, because I’m so shy I never dared ask him the direct question about his being single or not. He does look serious… I just once hinted at this thing (i.e. our correspondence) being somewhat naughty – as if he could do it and have a ‘regular’ girlfriend- and got this answer such as ‘we in Switzerland are different, we are very correct and we don’t do such things’. In Italy, that would be quite normal (unfortunately). I’m feeling a bit lost…Do discourage me if necessary. Love, Emma