Swiss Love

Posted by Jules on November 3rd, 2009

 

Ever since I wrote the posting The Swiss Male – Who is he?  I am often contacted by women asking for advice about Swiss men… I seem to have become the go-to agony aunt for lovelorn women around the world who have fallen for Swiss men and are very confused.  WELL THERE’S A SURPRISE. 

I know that it is all too easy to fall into the stereotypical trap here and confuse character and culture but hey you are getting this from the horse’s mouth. I am reporting from the coal face of 25 years of life with a Swiss man which should give me some credibility and a smidgen of insight into what makes a Swiss man tick.

Of course I can only talk about the Eastern Swiss Man, those hailing from the German speaking parts with, usually, a Protestant background.  But here is my take on Swiss Men and please feel free to agree or disagree in the comments below:

- Swiss men are parsimonious with their praise.  They do not compliment or praise unless by accident.  They won’t notice when you have been to the hairdresser’s or whether you are wearing a stunning LBD.   The flip side to this is that they don’t criticise or complain either.  I could go out to dinner in a bin liner for all Mr. Jules cared.  Only once has he said anything faintly critical as to my attire and it was a neutral but clever,

 ”Er, you’re not going to like the way that looks from behind” 

And because he says this and not “Jeeeesssssuuusssss!  Are you kidding me?” I am rather fond of him.

- Swiss men are not cuddly.  Don’t expect a cuddle, ever.  You might get a pat on the shoulder or a derrière squeeze at the moment when you least want it but that’s it.  There’s no smooching in front of the telly or public shows of affection.  He’ll willingly take your suitcase from you when you arrive off the plane but that is the nearest he’ll get to intimacy in a public space.  (Note:  If they start calling you odd names like chatzli, minou, etc. which the Swiss Germans deem as a sign of affection, put a stop to it at once.  It is a huge turn off.)

- Swiss men only have the left side of their brains working.  Hence they are brilliant bankers, brokers, negotiators.  Anything that involves logic is right up their strasse and if they have developed a brilliantly creative design concept alongside a brilliant piece of engineering or software for example, you’ll usually find there’s an Italian involved.

- Swiss men do not like emotion.  They are happy to analyse using logic until the cows literally come home but as their right side brain has no neural pathways having shrivelled up through non-use, feelings and emotions are something they cannot fathom.  So to Sofia in Argentina the reason he hasn’t written a letter of explanation is that he has no idea he has hurt your feelings. A Swiss man is very unlikely to give you closure although logically he knows he ought to – good manners and all that – he is incapable of writing “stuff” in an expressive heartfelt way.  Eyore’s dumbfounded, woebegone face in Winnie the Pooh springs to mind here. 

-Swiss men are perfectionists.  They can be a bit pernickety about their homes, cars, the food on their plates.  This is a country of high standards and they are used to upholding them.  To be fair they all work extremely hard and return those high standards in their work.

NOW THE GOOD STUFF

-  Swiss men are funny.  You will laugh at them (a lot) but also find that like the Brits they have a very dry, sense of humour and can also be extremely silly and childish.  They love British and American Sitcoms such as Curb Your Enthusiasm, Fawlty Towers etc. Mostly because they are so law-abiding that they wouldn’t ever dare do anything as naughty and anti-establishment so watching other people doing it, even if only pretending,  is absolutely thrilling.

-Swiss men need to marry foreign women.  They need to be shaken up out of their robotic thinking patterns, forced to let their hair down, spend time away from a landscape of mountains and lakes and eat something other than cheese and sausage.  (When Mr. Jules and I lived in America he would get lost every night on the way home from work.  Without a mountain or lake as guidance he was completely flummoxed by the grid-system).  I think all we foreign wives should receive a special allowance from the government.

-Swiss men will never let you down.  Your bills will be paid, your car will be serviced, your health insurance will be up-to-date and he’ll even put his loose change into your car so that you never run out for the parking meters.   They are never late, always do what they say they will and are extremely fair-play. (Apart from when partaking in family board games). 

-Swiss men are the best travel companions.  They never get stressed or nervous or angry when flights are delayed or hotel bookings lost or any kind of disaster strikes.  In fact they are good to have around in any kind of  emergency as they are so level headed – no emotions just the facts – which many put down to the compulsive military training they all undergo and of course the lack of a right sided brain helps here.

Marry one if you want to.  Preferably a Catholic from the sunnier, southern parts (the food’s better and they tend not to wear white sports socks with leather shoes), but wherever they hail from they are intensely loyal and easy to train if you go about it in a logical way and keep all the touchy feely stuff under wraps.

Most Popular Posts, The Swiss Man 32 Comments

Francesca Prescott said,

November 4, 2009 @ 7:43 am

Brilliant! Love it! So true! Although I think I got one of the south-western, more cuddly types. Hmmm. Definitely no white sports socks with leather shoes going on in this neck of the woods. Lots of pernicketiness, however. You know, always washing the car and stuff. And whereas my wardrobe is are always a slovenly mass of clothes initially folded but soon churned, Mr Prescott’s corner remains impeccable, just like himself. He’s livin’ la vida neater: Never a crease in his shirt, never a hair out of place, never a speck of mud on his shoes. But he’s ever so funny, and (probably because he’s more of the south-western type) a great entertainer at parties. Brilliant dancer, too! Incidentally, my Swiss man has no problem partaking in family board games. Interesting blog, Jules. One I’ll be pondering all day…

I wonder why Diane sent me this post? Fo… « toni.org said,

November 4, 2009 @ 5:45 pm

[...] 10:45 am on November 4, 2009 Reply I wonder why Diane sent me this post? For the record: I have never worn white sports socks with leather shoes. [...]

Marie said,

November 4, 2009 @ 10:07 pm

Soo true and soo funny! I sent this on to all my girlfriends married to Swiss men…over a dozen! Swiss men definitely need to outbreed and I think they know it instinctively!

jules said,

November 5, 2009 @ 2:12 pm

Francesca: I can’t believe I forgot about dancing!!! Are you sure Cédric is Swiss? I mean a real one? Mr. Jules does the Dad-dance unfortunately BUT he can strut his stuff very well on a yoga mat when I get to pretend he’s Sting only better.

Francesca Prescott said,

November 6, 2009 @ 9:23 am

Oh, he’s definitely a real Swiss! And a brilliant dancer; really lets his hair down (well he would if he it was long enough to let down). He once did a pole dance at a club in Ibiza within hours of having got off the plane from Geneva. None of my friends there have ever forgotten! Not much good on a yoga mat thought I’m afraid – so definitely more of a Ricky Martin than a Sting!!! There’s a Latino gene in there somewhere…

Dana Larson said,

November 11, 2009 @ 7:17 am

The word is “persnickety,” to be persnickety. There, that was bugging me. I’m on the virge of going on a first date with a swiss man. He seems bohemian from his pictures, turquoise pendant necklace, white linen shirt, CSI miami sunglasses, sitting on the beach in Malibu… I’ll guess he’s from the south of Switzerland, closer to Italy. We’ve never met, but in his post he said he was looking to connect with someone on a ‘deeper level’. This seems to run counter to the ‘no emotional expression’ bit. But my curiosity is peeked! Are swiss men in any way desperate to marry US natives? I’d hate to think I’m being set up for some kind of greencard scam. I’m just an honest girl looking to meet someone outside of the nightclub scene.

Jules said,

November 11, 2009 @ 9:58 am

Hello Dana and welcome to the site. “Persnickety” is a completely different word altogether meaning I believe, arrogant whereas my “pernickety” means over elaborate attention to detail. I would not confuse the two and I would never use persnickety to describe anything remotely connected to a Swiss male. They are just not persnickety at all. I think you will find it is “verge” you were meaning but that could be just a typo.
Don’t worry about the green card scam, I very much doubt that is on his mind he just wants to be with someone a little more broad minded and have some fun but beware internet dating comes at a price and his idea of the word fun and yours (using the same dictionary this time) may mean very different things which as we have seen, can lead to a very different scenario.

sandra from France said,

December 22, 2009 @ 5:44 pm

Wonderful stuff Jules. It looks like I need to gird my loins (well, I am not using them for anything else right now) and do an equivalent jobbie on the French. I am on it.

sandra from France said,

December 22, 2009 @ 6:32 pm

The risks of marrying a Frog – from a Woman that did

The Upside

You must be A Princess already, but just hadn’t realised.

This means you get to stay in that country full of all that nice food and wine.

Everything you heard about the French kiss is really true.

Frogs think that marrying foreigners is exotic, so you suddenly become very sexy without having done anything to deserve it.

They can cook – but beware, once you are ensnared in the net (Smug Married) this only happens at weekends. A bit like sex really. Blast, I promised myself not to mention the « s » word.

They are happy to accept their roots (is this bad English ?). He happily sheered 3 sheep last summer, having only done it once 30 years ago. Seems like they have something in common with elephants. Will you wash your brain out with soap, I didn’t mean what you thought I did.

Most French men have taken cuddling lesson, and can do this very well. Not in public, I would add, where they would not be seen dead at it.

French men like English and American junk TV series. Provided it is sub-titled. This way they can zone out.

French men can do waltzes and stuff like that. They seem to get it by osmosis – I just need to drink a lot but not via my feet.

They love Damsels in Distress. Anything that confounds me, I just have to look pathetic and say limpidly, « Oh, this is so terribly complicated, I don’t know how to do it» (activities can range from filling in a tax return to changing your ink cartridge) and Bob’s ton oncle, he is on it. Wonderful.

The Downside

Obsession with computers. Impossible to multi-task. Talking to you and communicating with his Wired Friend doesn’t happen. Do not presume any yeses or no’s are any attempt at replying to questions, he is just guessing.

Talks to inanimate objects as if they are personally offending him. If I was a computer firewall I wouldn’t tolerate such language.

If he can order something on internet, and avoid talking to a human being, he will do so. Even if it takes 60,000 times as long.

Total disrespect for speed limit signs. If it says 50, that is just a recommendation, what it really means is add on 20, then the number you first thought of.

Addiction to reading number plates. Why else would he drive that close ?

Zero tolerance for anyone respecting the speed limit. Other person considered to be a loser or mentally deficient.

Doesn’t know how to make good English gravy. Always comes out like broth – yack.

Denies breaking things. It fell from my hand and then exploded……

Will not ask for directions. I am not lost, I just am temporarily uncertain as to where we are.

Has no idea of time, five minutes can be endless or never.

Does not understand that when I say « dinner is ready darling », that this suggests movement towards a table could be a good thing.

Compulsive liars – I will be there in a minute, being the most transparent one. Oh, but I see I am repeating myself, I am repeating myself, I am repeating myself. Attention malfunction, attention malfunction.

Feelings – like Swiss, these are something that are Not Talked About. Not in touch with his feminine side – unless someone dies in a film, then he develops hay fever.

Puppy like enthusiasm to ignore risk of death notices e.g. on our first day ski-ing, after several years break, spotted the sign, « Black Run, ice, experienced skiers only » And off he goes. Wheeeeeee, splat.

Ignores weather forecasts, -8, no, I don’t think so, I won’t need a scarf, hat or gloves. Oh, can I borrow yours, you don’t need them do you, you are British.

But all experienced writers know that I should end on an up note. Up note.

Jules said,

December 23, 2009 @ 5:11 pm

Hey nice to hear from you, Sandra and thanks for the comments. As you were my matron of honour back in 1986 that means we have over 25 years of stories between us, beaucoup d’eau dessous le pont as they say in French. I want to hear more about life on a farm with a French man. I think I have been off the radar as I’ve not received any email stories lately and need an update, better still start a blog. Why ARE French men such bad drivers?

Kathleen Ely said,

June 16, 2010 @ 5:13 pm

This made me laugh out loud. This is my brother! We are about one quarter Swiss and this is so exactly him. He is a brilliant dancer but truly excels in the chicken dance. We are coming to visit our roots in Wimmis in September 2010. Now I’ll know what to expect…

Paola said,

June 25, 2010 @ 3:28 am

Hi! Interesting Blog Jules, thanks for sharing your experience :) . Maybe you can help me with some questions I have?? I hope!
- Are Zurich guys with servio-croatian parents different from swiss guys with swiss parents?
- How are german swiss guys when they first meet a girl they like? I’m used to latin guys, that call you and text you everyday when they like you. But I met this swiss guy (in spain, he’s in a bussines travel)on saturday and it was just perfect, there was so much attraction and chemistry that I am a bit shocked. Eventhough he had a great time too. He said he’ll call me on tuesday and on friday because he has a job meeting one day and friends meeting the other..
He is leaving on saturday and we will only meet 3 times in the week. Is that a normal behavior in swiss culture or is it that he doesn’t likes me like it appeares..
- What to they think of women that go to bed on the first date??

Well.. as you can see I’m confused here.
Thanks!!!

Jules said,

June 25, 2010 @ 7:38 am

Hello Paola, thank you for your comment. At the risk of sounding like an agony aunt here goes: No matter what his parentage if he was educated in Zurich and went to school there then he will err on the side of caution and take things slowly. Swiss Germans are not known for their frivolity or impetuousness. Think of Switzerland’s global role politically – standing back, waiting to see. I’m presuming that you did sleep with him?????? That’s up to you, it’s very personal. Although from now on you have to keep something back, if you want this guy, don’t give it all away however tempting. It’s your ammunition. You’ve got the cookie (as they say in America) use it.

Paola said,

June 25, 2010 @ 10:52 am

Thanks for your reply! Yes.. I slept with him the first night… and it is the first time that something like that happens to me.. are swiss guys judgemental about that???
I’ll listen to your advice, thank you!

Jules(yes,me too :)) said,

July 14, 2010 @ 11:46 pm

Hello Jules,
Thank you so much for this article as it’s very-very helpful.
I, also, have a question about Swiss german man. What are the signs that he is interested in a potential marriage? The one I am dating is very conservative and slow, doesn’t talk much at all…….no promises, but he DOES things……it took him almost 2 years to warm up and sometimes I am very confused……….so, what are the general rules?
Thank you so much,
Jules

Jules said,

July 18, 2010 @ 3:05 pm

Is he from Bern? They tend to be fairly slow in speech/thinking/action or that’s what they say. Do you want to marry someone who is going to be a tortoise to your hare all your life? If so – and we know, as in the parable, that the tortoise wins the race at the end – then you will have to instigate things. I think I remember mentioning marriage to Mr. Jules in an ultimatum at one stage, no bended knee proposal for me but then that is how it is sometimes and they make it up in other ways. Ask him. Be a powerful woman, take charge of your life and if he says no (which I doubt as he has been with you for two years already) then at least you know where you stand and can move on to greener alpine pastures. Best of Luck, Jules

Jules(yes,me too :)) said,

July 18, 2010 @ 4:21 pm

He was born in Bern :)

Lexi said,

August 19, 2010 @ 4:12 am

Hi,
I also was interested in a man from Bern. He stayed with my pastor’s family for 3 weeks last summer, and 3 1/2 weeks with my family this summer. We were also positive that he was interested in me. He started flirting big time last year just before he left, but then…I don’t know what happened. I tried to stay in contact with him, but he was very elusive. I didn’t get to talk to him much. When he came back I approached him about it (in a letter, because I was too chicken to do it face-to-face), and told him I had feelings for him. I even told him he was the kind of person I was looking for as a mate.
He came back with some of the lamest excuses I could imagine for why it wasn’t a good idea. He said he was afraid it would be too much of a father daughter relationship (I’m 15 years younger, but we’ve never interacted that way), my personality wasn’t one he would normally be attracted to, I wasn’t “experienced” enough, etc. It was the last thing I expected. At the very least I thought if he turned me down it would have something to do with being on opposite sides of the world, character issues, stuff like that. But in that conversation he came across as either extremely dishonest, or shallow, arrogant, and petty. I haven’t decided which.
He acknowledged being interested in me last summer, but he said that even though we could probably make it work it would not be for the best.
What really confused me was that after that day he couldn’t seem to get his eyes off me. Even my family noticed it. He acted almost humbled too.
For my birthday he took my mom and I and a friend out to dinner. My mom and the friend left for a few minutes and he just sat there openly staring at me right in the middle of the restaurant.
The next week he left with barely a goodbye. We never talked about my letter again.
He’s been gone 3 weeks now and nobody in my family has heard from him. Do you think it’s still possible that this could work out? What in the world happened? What is he thinking?!
Thanks,
Lexi

Jules said,

August 19, 2010 @ 10:49 am

Lexi,
Run. You had a close shave with an idiot. However he did you a favour by not taking advantage of you. He is 15 years older! It would not work. You would have the cultural differences and a massive age difference to deal with. I know it doesn’t seem much as you are probably in your what twenties? but believe me it WILL become an issue.
Go out, have fun, move on and find a mate more suitable. There are plenty of great guys of your age out there. Best of luck, let me know how you get on. xJules

Lexi said,

August 19, 2010 @ 3:51 pm

Wow! It’s that bad? Well…okay. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

Patty said,

August 31, 2010 @ 2:01 am

Hello Jules!!
I’m from Brazil and I met a swiss guy 10 years ago on the net, and we’ve been in touch all this time and last month we finally met! We know each othet (virtually) for many years, when I met him I fell in love and he’s exactly the same…but , as I’m used to Brazilian guys, who are quite different and don’t take things so seriously, i’m afraid of believing in the things he says to me…he says he loves me, he wants to build a life with me, that he is coming to Brazil to visit me in a few months, but I don’t know if Swiss guys usually say things they don’t mean, or the opposite….I’m so confused! We’ve been talking everyday since I came back, but I just don’t know if he would say such serious things to me if they weren’t really true….help me please!

jules said,

August 31, 2010 @ 8:15 am

Sounds as if you have a commitment phobia. Brazilian guys must be terrible, what did they do to you? He says he loves you, believe it Swiss men do not play around (in general) with other people’s feelings. They are serious, hard working, nice, respectable men – a little slow that’s why it took him 10 years to meet up with you – but noone’s perfect. You are Brazilian, probably a babe and he is a lucky chap. Let yourself be loved and in love. PS Invite me to the wedding, I’ve not been to Brazil!

Patty said,

August 31, 2010 @ 11:44 pm

Thank you very much for your answer!! It really helped me and made me feel much better! I’ll invite you for the wedding, for sure! See ya!

Emma said,

September 28, 2010 @ 2:38 pm

Now Jules,

I’ve just come across this blog . Wonderful! I want it to run up for lifesaving blog of the year!
My story, in a nutshell. I meet this wonderful swiss german man on holiday. He’s on holiday with his son, from which I assume he’s a single father. Now, because of the presence of his son I’m always embarrassed and although we do get to talk a few times, I never dare go on and chat him up. Besides, he looks very serious and reserved!But…he’s too cute to be let go without even a try. So, in a way that I won’t tell now (it’s a long story) I manage to let him have my email, so that we’ll get in touch only if he wishes to. Surprise surprise, he does write to me. We start writing each other more or less once a week, then once a day, then even more! The tone of emails changes: from formal or detached (at least according to Italian standards, and I am Italian) to more affectionate, or so it seems. He even wrote me ‘sei bellissima’, in Italian! Well, that doesn’t happen all the time of course . In brief, we’re getting to know each other and I do like this man. Now the question is: do adult swiss germans, or swiss in general, usually get penfriends just to spend some time in virtual conversations (we’re both above thirty , we have a regular, rewarding social life, and we do not chat) whom they nickname in such affectionate ways? This things has been going on for a month now, and correspondence has become more intensive (and, I dare say, intense) for a couple of weeks. I would like to step forward and say we’d meet up, but I’m afraid this would be too much, or would be considered intrusive and do not want him to feel that way. I’m afraid, though, that his timings are quite ‘relaxed’…but even so, thinking about timings would be sooo positive: that would mean that at least there is some hope for improvement… Besides, because I’m so shy I never dared ask him the direct question about his being single or not. He does look serious… I just once hinted at this thing (i.e. our correspondence) being somewhat naughty – as if he could do it and have a ‘regular’ girlfriend- and got this answer such as ‘we in Switzerland are different, we are very correct and we don’t do such things’. In Italy, that would be quite normal (unfortunately). I’m feeling a bit lost…Do discourage me if necessary. Love, Emma

jules said,

September 28, 2010 @ 6:18 pm

Dear Emma,

Oh dear I fear he is playing with you. Do not be taken in by the serious and reserved looks, he may be Swiss but he’s still a guy and they love a bit of dirty talk (which is what I am translating from your word “intense” but correct me if I am wrong) whether by email/text or phone. Remember the David Beckham saga?
What I am going to encourage you to do is send an email asking him outright whether he would like to meet and whether he is single. Get to the truth, don’t be his play thing. You can’t be shy with this you should have more self esteem. Let me know how you get on.

emma said,

September 29, 2010 @ 2:07 pm

Thanks, Jules, for getting back to me so soon!!
I think I used a word that is not correct. for ‘Intense’ I didn’t mean dirty talk, I just meant very profound , intimate ,playful communication, if you like, but not dirty talk. This,I think I owe it to him whatever happens. You are right anyway: I will get to the truth and see how things go. Thanks once more! best, Emma

Brenda said,

September 23, 2011 @ 10:52 pm

Dearest Jules…

You have potentially saved my relationship…or what’s left of it. Two years ago I met a gorgeous Swiss while traveling with my girlfriends in Europe. I was in awe by his intelligence and always felt so taken care of when I was around him. As a Latina being born in New York and having primarily dated Latin men I found it incredibly refreshing to not have someone constantly trying to get in my pants, until…

That became our issue.

Its no stereotype that we can be warm blooded people and having such a gorgeous, intellectual, well mannered, …the list goes on…man by my side – how can I not get turned on?? Especially considering I wouldn’t see him for months (up-to six) at a time. To then have him tell me “I’m not in the mood” or as others have said…completely shut off was mind boggling. I couldn’t help but to think that it was all me. Was he not attracted to me anymore, does he not find me sexy, is this his way of breaking up with me?? When I finally had the balls to bring it to his attention, he said that nothing was wrong and that he simply was not sexual. To which I thought…”yeaaah right”.

Now in a month he’s coming to visit me. Neither of us have been willing to move and with our intimacy problems and all I figured after this visit I should just cut my losses and call it quits…and then I read your blog and began to think …well maybe its not me after all.

For one reason or another…I have never felt this way about anyone. It’s a love that I feel to my core. Though he has promised he would move to the States, he hasn’t made any efforts. If I’ve learned something about Swiss, its that they’re not procrastinators and when they want to do something, they ‘ll do it. All in all, I KNOW he doesn’t want to move here.

I hope I haven’t bored you yet…but here is my dilemma. I’ve visited Switzerland several times, but I just can’t seem to adjust myself. Yes, I am a total city girl…but I think I can get used to the beautiful landscape. My problem is adjusting to the people. While his parents are completely sweet and I’ve been able to make friends quite easily with a few of his guy friends…I don’t really get a welcoming vibe from everyone else. I might be subconscious, but being from somewhere completely diverse I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I get some weird stares…like I’m something odd. Not to mention that I’ve had men try to approach me WHILE I’m with my boyfriend…which didn’t make sense to me considering they are supposed to be well-mannered. Someone mentioned to me that Latin and Asian women are often imported brides…which might be a sad truth but that doesn’t mean I am. His response to my feelings is that it is all in my head..which doesn’t make things easier for me.

I know our backgrounds are a bit different…but perhaps you can give me some sort of advice as to how to adjust and adapt. And another very very important question is how difficult is it for an American to find employment in Switzerland, especially considering I don’t speak German? I figure if after this visit I’m not able to shake him, I’ll have to move. I’m 26 so I figure I have a few years left to make some mistakes ;-)

Thank you for hearing me out and hopefully responding soon.

Best,
Brenda

sally said,

January 19, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

Great post Jules. so here’s my dilemna. we live in new york, have been together 5 years. berne swissie says why would we get married? its good as it is and why do you need that, you know I am committed to you since its been 5 years? we go to switz about 3 times a year and enjoy all the great family fun and fondues

Christine said,

April 30, 2012 @ 5:33 pm

Hi, I worked w/a Swiss man who by the way is a computer architect and engineer. Very brillant and very business like yet funny and friendly. My desk station was moved right outside his office and at the time I didn’t know anything about Swiss men but I learned the hard way after we went out one time. Because the next day he completely ignored me and wouldn’t talk to me only spoke to me if I spoke to him first. One time I saw him out at a bar we were both out w/coworkers and I waved to him and he turned away no response, no emotion, nothing. He ignored me until my last day at work. When that happened I started reading about Swiss men and now I can’t stop thinking about him. I just wish I could have done some homework on them before I went out w/him. I believe I insulted him (by accident) but really not exactly sure how. I wish he would give me another chance. My friends at the place I worked w/him at all said he was an ass but I don’t believe it. I just think it’s a culture difference. I miss him but he I know he isn’t interested in me at all. I did something wrong but he won’t give me closure. What advice do you have?

Jules said,

May 1, 2012 @ 10:01 am

Hi Christine,

This is an awkward situation and I don’t think it is because of a cultural difference. Here it is in a nutshell: He took you out on a date, realised it was a mistake and now rather than just remaining friends is doing what most men do, running. He doesn’t fancy you or see a future together with you. But you know what? He is an ass, a selfish, arrogant ass. You are much better than him. Go to work looking amazing but completely ignore him. Turn your back on him whenever he approaches, get your desk moved!. Completely cold shoulder him too but even worse than he has been doing to you, look right through him, it will drive him mad. If he speaks to you, be polite, of course, always, but never start a conversation with him or be around him. This isn’t a Swiss thing, it’s a personality and ego problem. Best of luck, don’t let him effect your confidence, you deserve better.

Christine said,

May 1, 2012 @ 4:53 pm

Thank you, I’m so happy to have found this website. You give excellent advice. If you are ever in the United States “Columbus, Ohio” please send me an e-mail I would love to take you to lunch. Maybe you can send your husband over to “Hans” house and show him how a real Swiss man treats a women.

Christine said,

May 6, 2012 @ 6:57 pm

Hello Jules, It’s me again. I met a new guy, an American, and I thought dating someone new and fun would help me move on from thinking of Hans. This new guy does like me but I think of Hans when I’m with him. I still believe that I might have come across as one of those stupid arrogant Americans by accident and that is why I feel Hans stopped talking to me. I don’t believe Hans is an ass or is arrogant. I know that his treatment towards me wasn’t nice but if I did say or do something in bad behavior that would justify why he stopped talking to me, right? I’m just really sad that Hans might think of me poorly. My last day at work was March 9th and that was the last day I saw Hans. I always wonder what he is doing but don’t dare to contact him. I know he isn’t interested in me but I can’t move past not knowing what I did. I feel like a stupid teenager all over again. I’m 45 and Hans is 47. The new guy I’ve been seeing is a good guy and we have fun together. One of my friends told me years ago that I don’t allow myself to be happy. Maybe this is the case. What do you think?

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