Swiss Love

Posted by Jules on November 3rd, 2009

 

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Ever since I wrote the posting The Swiss Male – Who is he?  I am often contacted by women asking for advice about Swiss men… I seem to have become the go-to agony aunt for lovelorn women around the world who have fallen for Swiss men and are very confused.  WELL THERE’S A SURPRISE. 

I know that it is all too easy to fall into the stereotypical trap here and confuse character and culture but hey you are getting this from the horse’s mouth. I am reporting from the coal face of 25 years of life with a Swiss man which should give me some credibility and a smidgen of insight into what makes a Swiss man tick.

Of course I can only talk about the Eastern Swiss Man, those hailing from the German speaking parts with, usually, a Protestant background.  But here is my take on Swiss Men and please feel free to agree or disagree in the comments below:

- Swiss men are parsimonious with their praise.  They do not compliment or praise unless by accident.  They won’t notice when you have been to the hairdresser’s or whether you are wearing a stunning LBD.   The flip side to this is that they don’t criticise or complain either.  I could go out to dinner in a bin liner for all Mr. Jules cared.  Only once has he said anything faintly critical as to my attire and it was a neutral but clever,

 ”Er, you’re not going to like the way that looks from behind” 

And because he says this and not “Jeeeesssssuuusssss!  Are you kidding me?” I am rather fond of him.

- Swiss men are not cuddly.  Don’t expect a cuddle, ever.  You might get a pat on the shoulder or a derrière squeeze at the moment when you least want it but that’s it.  There’s no smooching in front of the telly or public shows of affection.  He’ll willingly take your suitcase from you when you arrive off the plane but that is the nearest he’ll get to intimacy in a public space.  (Note:  If they start calling you odd names like chatzli, minou, etc. which the Swiss Germans deem as a sign of affection, put a stop to it at once.  It is a huge turn off.)

- Swiss men only have the left side of their brains working.  Hence they are brilliant bankers, brokers, negotiators.  Anything that involves logic is right up their strasse and if they have developed a brilliantly creative design concept alongside a brilliant piece of engineering or software for example, you’ll usually find there’s an Italian involved.

- Swiss men do not like emotion.  They are happy to analyse using logic until the cows literally come home but as their right side brain has no neural pathways having shrivelled up through non-use, feelings and emotions are something they cannot fathom.  So to Sofia in Argentina the reason he hasn’t written a letter of explanation is that he has no idea he has hurt your feelings. A Swiss man is very unlikely to give you closure although logically he knows he ought to – good manners and all that – he is incapable of writing “stuff” in an expressive heartfelt way.  Eyore’s dumbfounded, woebegone face in Winnie the Pooh springs to mind here. 

-Swiss men are perfectionists.  They can be a bit pernickety about their homes, cars, the food on their plates.  This is a country of high standards and they are used to upholding them.  To be fair they all work extremely hard and return those high standards in their work.

NOW THE GOOD STUFF

-  Swiss men are funny.  You will laugh at them (a lot) but also find that like the Brits they have a very dry, sense of humour and can also be extremely silly and childish.  They love British and American Sitcoms such as Curb Your Enthusiasm, Fawlty Towers etc. Mostly because they are so law-abiding that they wouldn’t ever dare do anything as naughty and anti-establishment so watching other people doing it, even if only pretending,  is absolutely thrilling.

-Swiss men need to marry foreign women.  They need to be shaken up out of their robotic thinking patterns, forced to let their hair down, spend time away from a landscape of mountains and lakes and eat something other than cheese and sausage.  (When Mr. Jules and I lived in America he would get lost every night on the way home from work.  Without a mountain or lake as guidance he was completely flummoxed by the grid-system).  I think all we foreign wives should receive a special allowance from the government.

-Swiss men will never let you down.  Your bills will be paid, your car will be serviced, your health insurance will be up-to-date and he’ll even put his loose change into your car so that you never run out for the parking meters.   They are never late, always do what they say they will and are extremely fair-play. (Apart from when partaking in family board games). 

-Swiss men are the best travel companions.  They never get stressed or nervous or angry when flights are delayed or hotel bookings lost or any kind of disaster strikes.  In fact they are good to have around in any kind of  emergency as they are so level headed – no emotions just the facts – which many put down to the compulsive military training they all undergo and of course the lack of a right sided brain helps here.

Marry one if you want to.  Preferably a Catholic from the sunnier, southern parts (the food’s better and they tend not to wear white sports socks with leather shoes), but wherever they hail from they are intensely loyal and easy to train if you go about it in a logical way and keep all the touchy feely stuff under wraps.

Most Popular Posts, The Swiss Man 17 Comments

Francesca Prescott said,

November 4, 2009 @ 7:43 am

Brilliant! Love it! So true! Although I think I got one of the south-western, more cuddly types. Hmmm. Definitely no white sports socks with leather shoes going on in this neck of the woods. Lots of pernicketiness, however. You know, always washing the car and stuff. And whereas my wardrobe is are always a slovenly mass of clothes initially folded but soon churned, Mr Prescott’s corner remains impeccable, just like himself. He’s livin’ la vida neater: Never a crease in his shirt, never a hair out of place, never a speck of mud on his shoes. But he’s ever so funny, and (probably because he’s more of the south-western type) a great entertainer at parties. Brilliant dancer, too! Incidentally, my Swiss man has no problem partaking in family board games. Interesting blog, Jules. One I’ll be pondering all day…

I wonder why Diane sent me this post? Fo… « toni.org said,

November 4, 2009 @ 5:45 pm

[...] 10:45 am on November 4, 2009 Reply I wonder why Diane sent me this post? For the record: I have never worn white sports socks with leather shoes. [...]

Marie said,

November 4, 2009 @ 10:07 pm

Soo true and soo funny! I sent this on to all my girlfriends married to Swiss men…over a dozen! Swiss men definitely need to outbreed and I think they know it instinctively!

jules said,

November 5, 2009 @ 2:12 pm

Francesca: I can’t believe I forgot about dancing!!! Are you sure Cédric is Swiss? I mean a real one? Mr. Jules does the Dad-dance unfortunately BUT he can strut his stuff very well on a yoga mat when I get to pretend he’s Sting only better.

Francesca Prescott said,

November 6, 2009 @ 9:23 am

Oh, he’s definitely a real Swiss! And a brilliant dancer; really lets his hair down (well he would if he it was long enough to let down). He once did a pole dance at a club in Ibiza within hours of having got off the plane from Geneva. None of my friends there have ever forgotten! Not much good on a yoga mat thought I’m afraid – so definitely more of a Ricky Martin than a Sting!!! There’s a Latino gene in there somewhere…

Dana Larson said,

November 11, 2009 @ 7:17 am

The word is “persnickety,” to be persnickety. There, that was bugging me. I’m on the virge of going on a first date with a swiss man. He seems bohemian from his pictures, turquoise pendant necklace, white linen shirt, CSI miami sunglasses, sitting on the beach in Malibu… I’ll guess he’s from the south of Switzerland, closer to Italy. We’ve never met, but in his post he said he was looking to connect with someone on a ‘deeper level’. This seems to run counter to the ‘no emotional expression’ bit. But my curiosity is peeked! Are swiss men in any way desperate to marry US natives? I’d hate to think I’m being set up for some kind of greencard scam. I’m just an honest girl looking to meet someone outside of the nightclub scene.

Jules said,

November 11, 2009 @ 9:58 am

Hello Dana and welcome to the site. “Persnickety” is a completely different word altogether meaning I believe, arrogant whereas my “pernickety” means over elaborate attention to detail. I would not confuse the two and I would never use persnickety to describe anything remotely connected to a Swiss male. They are just not persnickety at all. I think you will find it is “verge” you were meaning but that could be just a typo.
Don’t worry about the green card scam, I very much doubt that is on his mind he just wants to be with someone a little more broad minded and have some fun but beware internet dating comes at a price and his idea of the word fun and yours (using the same dictionary this time) may mean very different things which as we have seen, can lead to a very different scenario.

sandra from France said,

December 22, 2009 @ 5:44 pm

Wonderful stuff Jules. It looks like I need to gird my loins (well, I am not using them for anything else right now) and do an equivalent jobbie on the French. I am on it.

sandra from France said,

December 22, 2009 @ 6:32 pm

The risks of marrying a Frog – from a Woman that did

The Upside

You must be A Princess already, but just hadn’t realised.

This means you get to stay in that country full of all that nice food and wine.

Everything you heard about the French kiss is really true.

Frogs think that marrying foreigners is exotic, so you suddenly become very sexy without having done anything to deserve it.

They can cook – but beware, once you are ensnared in the net (Smug Married) this only happens at weekends. A bit like sex really. Blast, I promised myself not to mention the « s » word.

They are happy to accept their roots (is this bad English ?). He happily sheered 3 sheep last summer, having only done it once 30 years ago. Seems like they have something in common with elephants. Will you wash your brain out with soap, I didn’t mean what you thought I did.

Most French men have taken cuddling lesson, and can do this very well. Not in public, I would add, where they would not be seen dead at it.

French men like English and American junk TV series. Provided it is sub-titled. This way they can zone out.

French men can do waltzes and stuff like that. They seem to get it by osmosis – I just need to drink a lot but not via my feet.

They love Damsels in Distress. Anything that confounds me, I just have to look pathetic and say limpidly, « Oh, this is so terribly complicated, I don’t know how to do it» (activities can range from filling in a tax return to changing your ink cartridge) and Bob’s ton oncle, he is on it. Wonderful.

The Downside

Obsession with computers. Impossible to multi-task. Talking to you and communicating with his Wired Friend doesn’t happen. Do not presume any yeses or no’s are any attempt at replying to questions, he is just guessing.

Talks to inanimate objects as if they are personally offending him. If I was a computer firewall I wouldn’t tolerate such language.

If he can order something on internet, and avoid talking to a human being, he will do so. Even if it takes 60,000 times as long.

Total disrespect for speed limit signs. If it says 50, that is just a recommendation, what it really means is add on 20, then the number you first thought of.

Addiction to reading number plates. Why else would he drive that close ?

Zero tolerance for anyone respecting the speed limit. Other person considered to be a loser or mentally deficient.

Doesn’t know how to make good English gravy. Always comes out like broth – yack.

Denies breaking things. It fell from my hand and then exploded……

Will not ask for directions. I am not lost, I just am temporarily uncertain as to where we are.

Has no idea of time, five minutes can be endless or never.

Does not understand that when I say « dinner is ready darling », that this suggests movement towards a table could be a good thing.

Compulsive liars – I will be there in a minute, being the most transparent one. Oh, but I see I am repeating myself, I am repeating myself, I am repeating myself. Attention malfunction, attention malfunction.

Feelings – like Swiss, these are something that are Not Talked About. Not in touch with his feminine side – unless someone dies in a film, then he develops hay fever.

Puppy like enthusiasm to ignore risk of death notices e.g. on our first day ski-ing, after several years break, spotted the sign, « Black Run, ice, experienced skiers only » And off he goes. Wheeeeeee, splat.

Ignores weather forecasts, -8, no, I don’t think so, I won’t need a scarf, hat or gloves. Oh, can I borrow yours, you don’t need them do you, you are British.

But all experienced writers know that I should end on an up note. Up note.

Jules said,

December 23, 2009 @ 5:11 pm

Hey nice to hear from you, Sandra and thanks for the comments. As you were my matron of honour back in 1986 that means we have over 25 years of stories between us, beaucoup d’eau dessous le pont as they say in French. I want to hear more about life on a farm with a French man. I think I have been off the radar as I’ve not received any email stories lately and need an update, better still start a blog. Why ARE French men such bad drivers?

Kathleen Ely said,

June 16, 2010 @ 5:13 pm

This made me laugh out loud. This is my brother! We are about one quarter Swiss and this is so exactly him. He is a brilliant dancer but truly excels in the chicken dance. We are coming to visit our roots in Wimmis in September 2010. Now I’ll know what to expect…

Paola said,

June 25, 2010 @ 3:28 am

Hi! Interesting Blog Jules, thanks for sharing your experience :) . Maybe you can help me with some questions I have?? I hope!
- Are Zurich guys with servio-croatian parents different from swiss guys with swiss parents?
- How are german swiss guys when they first meet a girl they like? I’m used to latin guys, that call you and text you everyday when they like you. But I met this swiss guy (in spain, he’s in a bussines travel)on saturday and it was just perfect, there was so much attraction and chemistry that I am a bit shocked. Eventhough he had a great time too. He said he’ll call me on tuesday and on friday because he has a job meeting one day and friends meeting the other..
He is leaving on saturday and we will only meet 3 times in the week. Is that a normal behavior in swiss culture or is it that he doesn’t likes me like it appeares..
- What to they think of women that go to bed on the first date??

Well.. as you can see I’m confused here.
Thanks!!!

Jules said,

June 25, 2010 @ 7:38 am

Hello Paola, thank you for your comment. At the risk of sounding like an agony aunt here goes: No matter what his parentage if he was educated in Zurich and went to school there then he will err on the side of caution and take things slowly. Swiss Germans are not known for their frivolity or impetuousness. Think of Switzerland’s global role politically – standing back, waiting to see. I’m presuming that you did sleep with him?????? That’s up to you, it’s very personal. Although from now on you have to keep something back, if you want this guy, don’t give it all away however tempting. It’s your ammunition. You’ve got the cookie (as they say in America) use it.

Paola said,

June 25, 2010 @ 10:52 am

Thanks for your reply! Yes.. I slept with him the first night… and it is the first time that something like that happens to me.. are swiss guys judgemental about that???
I’ll listen to your advice, thank you!

Jules(yes,me too :)) said,

July 14, 2010 @ 11:46 pm

Hello Jules,
Thank you so much for this article as it’s very-very helpful.
I, also, have a question about Swiss german man. What are the signs that he is interested in a potential marriage? The one I am dating is very conservative and slow, doesn’t talk much at all…….no promises, but he DOES things……it took him almost 2 years to warm up and sometimes I am very confused……….so, what are the general rules?
Thank you so much,
Jules

Jules said,

July 18, 2010 @ 3:05 pm

Is he from Bern? They tend to be fairly slow in speech/thinking/action or that’s what they say. Do you want to marry someone who is going to be a tortoise to your hare all your life? If so – and we know, as in the parable, that the tortoise wins the race at the end – then you will have to instigate things. I think I remember mentioning marriage to Mr. Jules in an ultimatum at one stage, no bended knee proposal for me but then that is how it is sometimes and they make it up in other ways. Ask him. Be a powerful woman, take charge of your life and if he says no (which I doubt as he has been with you for two years already) then at least you know where you stand and can move on to greener alpine pastures. Best of Luck, Jules

Jules(yes,me too :)) said,

July 18, 2010 @ 4:21 pm

He was born in Bern :)

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