Brits on that beach are perfectly civilised, possibly because they’re rare, it’s all the other tourists that are detestable – possibly because they’re in pods, schools, murders, or whatever name you want to give to their groupings. Put more than 5 tourists on any nationality together, they become an immediate cliché of that nationality… or haven’t you noticed?

Martin: I buy alcotests mostly to make sure my daughter always has a supply (sneaky, eh?). New Year’s Eve was a bit arrosé (Palais Mascotte was wild), so I attempted to use one to see if I could drive home. By the time we figured out how to use it, I was sober.

And finally, I won’t be at Fribourg – judgments can be in Finnish or German (I speak neither) and the grand prize is a pen-knife. But best of luck to Maggie, though, don’t forget to buy that nose stuff! (hah! isn’t that ambiguous?)

“I think it’s to the Brits credit that they are keen travelers.”

What is the point of being a “keen traveler” when the moment they hit the tarmac, in whichever country they have decided to inflict themselves upon, they seek out British (or Irish) theme pubs, Harry’s All-Day Gut-Buster Breakfasts, Watney’s Red Barrel, The Sun and Golden Virginia roll-ups. Days are spent drinking, shouting and singing football songs. Nights are spent drinking, shouting, singing football songs and mooning. A week in the sun, if it ever peeks through the pub doors, and the unlikely possibility of a two minute shag on the beach with a drunken tart from Dagenham is all they ask. They get back on the plane a week later not knowing or caring where they have been. Why they bother getting on a plane in the first place is beyond me.

I had always assumed a “keen traveler” to be someone who visited other countries and, apart from the beaches, sun, food and wine, enlightened themselves with a little art, history, language and a culture other than that found in their yoghurt. I know they eat yoghurt, I’ve seen them licking the lids in some of Europe’s finest hotel dining rooms.

“Good ‘oliday Brian?”
“Yer, t’riffic.”
“Where d’ya go?”
“Dunno.”

Thanks to Jules for starting this hysterical forum and to Bolton Bap for being a such a good egg and setting herself up.

Keep up the good work. G.

http://www.ghinch.com

I would never deprive someone of their right to an opinion but such damning views evoked a strong response from me. You call the British public ‘dross’, isn’t this rather colonial?
Next you’ll be telling us some scruffy, Northern, ‘Millet’ clad tourist has vomited in YOUR garden and made you late for afternoon tiffin. I think it’s to the Brits credit that they are keen travellers and what with cheap fares from budget airlines the numbers are only going to increase. With regards to how they behave abroad, well,as you said, it is influenced by a home-grown,permanent bombardment of media tripe peppered with lobotomised advertising and marketing (even the credit crunch became a marketing slogan). Combine this with a national (obviously generalising) lack of critical differentiation, an excessive drinking culture and you end up with ‘serial garden vomiters’ or ‘Chavs on the high seas’.
However, reading the Guardian on-line yesterday I came across an article entitled ‘UK holidays…..the new attraction for hard-up Britons’, so after the ski holidays are over all will be quieter on the Swiss front…..for a while at least.

I have really enjoyed this post and the last one from the Sunday telegraph inspired me to remove my daughter’s glued in i-pod from her ears and take her and my 2 sons up into the mountains. Thankyou.

Going to Fribourg? We’re registered so see you there perhaps?