Adult Bath Toys

Posted by Jules Ritter on April 7th, 2008

 So Devil Duckie made it home in my suitcase.  He was by far the safest of the options displayed in the glass case in the bathroom of our ultra cool Miami hotel.  As this is a family show I will only say the others involved movement…

I have become quite attached to DD, being a bit of a quirky girl at heart, but nonetheless I checked there was no cocaine hidden in his underbelly in case he was trying to double cross me and I would spend the rest of my days in a Thai jail. 

He has opened up a whole new world to me.  I had no idea that adult bath toys exist but then again it’s not the sort of thing that often drops into the conversation with those in my neck of the woods where priority is given to the weather (if there are clouds on a certain peak over the Jura above our house it means it will rain the following day) and when to prune ones hedges.  But then again naive as I am, my cunning Swiss neighbours may have been in bathtime heaven for years.

Anyway, back home and I’m feeling quite sorry for Devil Duckie as he is all alone bobbing in the bath so I have tracked down a mate for him and an instant family of three little Devil Ducklings.  Alright I admit it is an arranged marriage and I should be ashamed but where was DD going to find a slutty duck out here with the cows?

I am impressed with my options.  I was tempted to get the he-man camoflage duck, very Miami night life, but then that would get very confusing for Lexi explaining the sudden arrival of the three little ones.  Then there is the Glow Zombie Devil Duckie with partially exposed brain, vacant eyes, broken horn and decomposing wing…  How about Dead Duckie?  Devilish as he is, I don’t think my DD is into necrophilia. 

After much deliberation over the vast and disturbing choice I decided on the simply elegant Pink Devil Duckie because she had a sweet but cheeky look about her that would stand her in good stead for when bubbles were scarce and the rim of the bathtub distinctly grimy.

Copyright Jules Ritter bloody snow again April 2008

See www.mcphee.com

Travels 4 Comments

Nadia said,

April 8, 2008 @ 2:15 pm

Didn’t Sonia Rykiel (or was it her daughter?) invent the rubber ducky, adult version, a couple of years back? They’re very French, funny they’re now in Miami!

If you want to get a wildlife theme going, you could add a “rabbit” to the family… but don’t turn it on in the tub!

Martin said,

April 8, 2008 @ 6:54 pm

Rabbit? Well I suppose that you would no longer need a “hare” catcher in the drain hole! (Groan)

David Dolton said,

April 10, 2008 @ 2:37 am

Love it! Good to see that we Americans are exporting (albeit illegally exported, mind you) something other than our wars.

Jules Ritter said,

April 11, 2008 @ 9:43 am

Do I need a license for my Duckie? (said in a Peter Seller’s voice). I will have you know that money was added to my hotel bill. It was an Alladin’s cave in that room, so many temptations, so little time.
Nice to hear from you cigar man, I get a little thrill when I think of being read outside Europe. We will be coming to Washington in July so perhaps we can repay you. Jules

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