Fallen Cupids -How To Make Your Dreams Come True

Valentines Day is soon upon us and expectations, as always, are running high.  We’re talking sex.

Let’s start with the facts:  “The problem with women is that they cannot differentiate love from sex”, lamented a famous womaniser in the press recently.  This is true - aside from those who make a living in the sex industry – and not to be lamented.  We females are governed by nuturing, loving hormones whilst you males have physical parts that literally rise and fall on a whim.  It’s biology tout court.

Let’s look at desire:  For women the desire to have sex starts outside the bedroom.  Read that last sentence again.  So many of you men complain about not getting enough sex that I can only presume that this fundamental given must come as a complete surprise.  Four words: Laughter, Appreciation, Respect and Kindness -LARK.  Practice LARK and your love-life will improve. 

If you want to play cupid and not end up like the guy in the picture, never complain and unless you are considering a monastic future do not initiate sex with the question “Fancy a pull/quickie/…..?” (Blank to be filled in by you depending on age and generation).  Believe me neither of you will be hearing violins/seeing fireworks/walking on air with any of those as a prelude.

Let’s talk romance:  For Valentines Day do not ,under any circumstances, buy us sexy underwear – unless we have specifically asked for it – we know who you are really buying it for and quite honestly the blatant message  is  offensive not to mention a turn-off.  Chocolates, flowers, perfume, candle-lit dinners or anything which has required a little pre-planning and thought will all be gratefully received with a deep smouldering gaze. 

Let’s Look at Appreciation:  Surprise us, even if it is just emptying the dishwasher when it is not your turn.  In fact any kitchen duties will do but work up to proposing that scene from The Postman Always Rings Twice involving Jack Nicholson, Jessica Lang and a kitchen table.  You don’t want to fall foul early on, it will take more than a re-arrangement of the cutlery drawer before she is throwing off her apron with lust.

Let’s look at appropriate physical contact:  Why can’t you just cuddle?  A simple hug without the hand moving south with the ferocity of an Alpha male and the hip grinding would be appreciated.  Not that we don’t want the ferocity of an Alpha male but reserve that part for when you have won us over.   Be forewarned: There is an art to the non-sexy cuddle, practice on your kids or the dog.  It requires letting certain muscles relax (yes) and an exchange of loving energy.  It does not mean a quick pat and a clasp with all the warmth of a mortician’s slab.

You see we females are different, very different and we need to be handled with care.  We like romance, compliments (yes I know it’s shallow but that’s what hormones react to) and if you make a little effort to overcome the evolutionary circuitry, a regular sex life will be yours for the asking.  It really is a LARK.

Copyright Jules Ritter January 2008