The Swiss Male – Who Is He?

masterwriter said,

Graham sent this to me in an email. Just about sums it up I think.

You mustn’t forget that the Swiss are an intense race, but there is no less pulling and pick-up done by Swiss men than by their counterparts in Barcelona, Paris or Stockholm. They just don’t do it the same way. Swiss women enjoy discussions about banking and mortgages on the first date. He may look drop-dead gorgeous – but he has a serious side that will make an honest partner and provider. (Blimey, on re-reading, I realise I’ve described my daughter and her husband)

Swiss women don’t like a “draguer” and rarely fall for his charm. This is not to say they don’t like a man with humour and passion, they do. But there’s a time and place.

I was married to a wonderful and sexy Swiss woman who had all the cold calculated skills of a UBS strategist, but she also loved to flirt and used her femininity as part of her business plan. A nice image would be a severe anthracite suit with knee length skirt (you just know that there are stockings and suspenders even if there aren’t), heels and a crisp white blouse with one button more than convention would allow, undone. But, if I even so much looked at a waitress or a shop assistant or the girl by the pool. I got the cold antiseptic UBS sting over dinner five hours later, and the accusations would fly. “You were undressing her with your eyes”, “you looked ridiculous, your tongue was almost hanging out”.

I suppose the rationale of the story is that, traditionally. Swiss men don’t flirt, because Swiss women don’t like it.

Valerie said,

WOW -THANK YOU for clearing up alot of well what I may have already known. Been in a 2 year on again -off again relationship with a swiss man, I myself am American. Its strange as I know he cares for me I have always felt he sort of had a block up or there was something just slight off with our relationship, I think this whole anti-romance vibe in switzerland could be a big part of it. I feel bad for the swiss men, apparently the swiss women are terrible in bed, besides often very plain looking with zilch personality. Sounds like a winning combination. I went to one of his friends partys and as no one was polite enough to come say hello, I’d go round and introduce myself as Martin’s girlfriend etc, well they seemed a bit wierd in their reactions very cautcious and almost nervous in response. Needless to say it was the worst party I have ever been too and I am still convincing my boyfriend to move to New York, as I think I’m too flashy for switzerland, once you have your fill of good chocolate, ski a little, and of course fondue, proceed to the exit…you’ve done it all.

Anyway thanks for writing the article, it may do many confused Americans good! Found everything to be very true!

Jules Ritter said,

Hi Alicia,

So I will put my agony aunt hat on for a few moments and try to reply to your well-founded concerns. Firstly there is no chance in hell that you will get him out of Switzerland now. The Swiss male is a creature from planet Zog and although he plays around the world and has fun when it comes to settling down and working at a career he will want to stay in Switzerland where it is safe and he is understood by all the other Zoggers. Having said that, any relationship/marriage is a compromise and what you have to do is work out whether you love him enough to stay here with him and enjoy all the good things about life here and with a Swiss who will be a good provider (work ethic) and father to any children you may have. If you have an outgoing personality and by the sounds of it you do, then it will take hard work, not like back home in Canada, to make a life for yourself here with lots of other fun expats but you can do it.

Another thing is that you have to still fancy him that’s for sure. When you are at a party do you look across the room and think, yay that’s my man!? If you do then that feeling will see you through the sometimes boring times and frustration of being a perpetual tourist and in a bi-cultural marriage which has it good and bad points. That going into their cave thing is ALL men btw not just the Swiss although the Swiss get first prize at it. Ignore it, do your own thing. Have more confidence in yourself and his love for you and just wait for him to come back, which he will, he just needs space.

Good Luck, hope it all works out.

Marina Kienitz said,

Hello Everyone, hello Jules,
When I first typed “relationships with swiss men” in google I was not at all expecting to find almost all the answers to my questions in the first web site I clicked on. Well….I really have a question to make…I am behind all you guys that have written above, probably I am younger…but not THAT young…28 years. not married and not in a relationship. Anyways, got here about 4 years ago, in Neuchâtel. I am myself Brazilian (yes, you can imagine how shocking the differences are for me) and have a job at a sports marketing agency, where I am not really forced to speak or know french…etc etc. Problem number one, my French is alright, but not at all fluent to have cool and fast conversations among other french speakers.
So far got already a few affairs with Swiss men, really short ones, younger guys …. 23 probably. And now that I met this guy, older…I just cannot understand what are his intentions with me. Specially after just going through a smooth disappointment with a 31 year-old guy. this one used to sail with me. We would everyday invite each other for sailing, my hobby, his hobby, and after go for dinner, at a restaurant, his place, or my place…it was taking sort of long and I could not understand why the hell he could be spending so much time with me if he was not interested. One day I got tired. I invited him home for dinner, cooked a nice meal, and literally (and ridiculously) I tried to “grab” him. he went out of my way and started with this talk that this is not what he wanted right now, to get attached because probably after finishing his PHD he would move to another country, bla bla bla….AND that he spent so much time with me because he likes me as a friend. I was brokenhearted, and felt I lost two months with all this non-sense story. I still have my doubts if he REALLY was not interested or if he was just putting work in first place and being rational….
Well, I moved on and now something has been going on (at least in my brazilian imagination) with another sailor I know from the sailing club I go. Since we met we always did send sms’s sometimes, just speaking about the weather or whatever, but he never asked me for anything else then sailing, which I never made until this month, because I had the other guy still in the loop. Now, other guy is over and I sort of re-met this new one, that must be around 36 years old. Since we are catching up more often, I asked him out for a beer, and the night I go to see him at the bar for the beer, he brought one (boy)friend with him, and after, another three friends of him joined us! Imagine my face….expecting a date of two people ended up in a table chat with me and 4 men! SMS’s still go on, sometimes he is really cute and texts me saying “sorry I left you onshore today but it was too windy to go with the boat, but you should have stayed for the pizza afterwards…” – bla bla bla. Last we were meant to “meet in the club for sailing or waiting for the wind while chatting and training my french” (his words), but he texted me two days before saying he could not make it anymore because he had to visit his nephew in murten or around. Sometimes he texts me explaining all his week and the reasons why he cannot go for a beer or go sailing with me. So, question is, to me even with small clues it looks like he is interested, but he never asked me for anything else then sailing. Normally when we catch up out of the water is me asking….so I am scared of him being just another sailing freak like the first one….that wants boats rather then women….I also do not know if he has a girlfriend….I doubt so…but never asked. With a latin guy I would have known already ages ago if he was or not interested….I just do not want to waste my feelings if he is not into me….I want to know at once…if is only for the sailing, fine, I like that as well…but better know soon. making straight questions to swiss men is a good way?? or they do not react well to that?? they would take the first step? or this guy is going to keep taking me sailing until the moment I feel pushed to try to grab him as I did with the other?? haha….ow God…sorry for all that…does someone here have a wise comment for me? I am lost…AND feeling lonely in CH….
Thank you Jules for one day having created this topic!
Marina

gizelle said,

as an american living in switzerland , i have to agree swiss guys are not a catch!as someone who lived across the world,i have never been treated so badly by men!
they will cut you off while your walking..stomp on your feet,bump into you,cut you in line,without apologizing.and I’m a tall girl..you can’t miss me!
the funny thing is that i noticed they only do that with women,not men!for some reason they only show respect, or courtesy on the street for other men.and for another .they only go out with women they meet through doing mutual sports(like marina wrote)they think if she loves “sailing” like i do , then we are compatible..and that’s all they think..and that’s all that matters.
i have yet to meet a couple who met at a party or social gathering of some sort.a swiss woman whose in a 13 years relationship told me she HATES surfing,but does it coz she knows her man will leave her if she stopped,and go with a woman who enjoys his sports!
I’m blessed with a happy marriage to an african man(so i’m all for interracial marriages)but sorry girls leave the swiss men to their women!
the women on the other hand are nice and easy to deal with.

Kayla said,

Great article. I finally ended a 3-year relationship with my Swiss man. I’m another from Canada and the same as Alicia… my boyfriend was great so long as he WASN’T IN SWITZERLAND! (Swiss-German, btw. The Swiss-French are quite different). As soon as he was in Switzerland, he was uptight, stressed, judgmental, depressive… it was bizare. An English guy told me in a bar in Zurich, “The Swiss are only good outside Switzerland”, and I think he was right. My boyfriend said he’d be willing to leave Switzerland, but I could tell he didn’t have the courage to make such a change.

I have also noticed Swiss men are more polite with other men and treat women badly. (Or make comments about women that suggest a very sexist undertone in the culture). It’s like they show deference to men, but never (ever) to women. Remember, Switzerland was the last western country to give women the vote (1970). They didn’t want their women “politicized”. And the Swiss women are raised to be docile and accommodating. So it’s no wonder the men behave as they do…they aren’t particularly accustomed to strong, independent women. Their mothers and sisters aren’t like that.

My Swiss boyfriend was gorgeous, I must say. And I was very attracted to him. Unfortunately, he was very selfish in bed (even after multiple discussions). I have a feeling this wasn’t a completely isolated situation. The Swiss aren’t known to be good lovers and in my one experience, courtship was awful (there was no buying me dinner , romance was nil, and intimacy left much to be desired. (He sure was cute, though).

I don’t know about Swiss-French, but i have to say, that’s the last Swiss-German I’ll date. They’re just way too reserved and sadly, living in Switzerland means a lot of Swiss know nothing about the world outside their bubble. Call them quarky, or whatever… I think the Swiss are quite weird.

lyn said,

thanks for this article!…well i’m 28 yrs old and i met this swiss guy ( dnt know exaclty if swiss-german or swiss-french) online…on a dating site. He is living and working in Netherlands. He travel frquently here in asia for work…He msg me on the dating site asking foe my YM accouny which i gave of course…i wasnt in to him first…maybe because he is older than me…he’s 39…I’ll cut it short, i eventually fall for him. he’s coming this month and we arranged to meet. there are a lot of questions in my mind…is he the kind of a very formal guy?coz when we talk online he doesnt sound so…he is very sweet with his msgs…if i kiss him on the lips on our first meeting will i scare him??? haha…though he asked me to stay with him in his hotel the whole time he will be here…whT do u think is the percentage that he is honest and sincere..him being a swiss guy ??thanks a lot!

Shelly G. said,

I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful Swiss man for 2 years and some change. I really enjoyed reading about others impressions of Swiss men, however, I must say I only found a few common threads, most of which made me laugh out loud! Swiss men not having a clue how to flirt, for one. Not to brag, but my Swiss man is very romantic, very sexual, very attentive, good in bed, and handy as hell around the house. He doesn’t like laying around, always active, and very positive, and not to mention, he’s handsome and is not stuck on his looks. I’m a lucky girl. We aren’t marrying until his daughter graduates high school, which is fine by me. He’s worth waiting for, and I can’t wait to be his wife. He wouldn’t dream of moving back to Switzerland. He loves Alaska now, after living all over the world. Thanks for sharing, and letting me do the same.
Shelly in Alaska

Katie said,

So this is the most interesting thread I’ve read. I was laughing aloud in public!
Oh man…..so I met this Swiss-German guy, he’s 28, moved to Canada, where I’m from. We only went out once, but had a lot of fun. We literally talked non stop for four hours over a few drinks few drinks. He is soooo bloody hot that I wanted to grab him and make out with him when we said our goodbyes. I didn’t and after reading through this, I am glad! He just gave me a hug goodnight.

This was two days ago, and I was the last one to text him. I don’t understand why he hadn’t contacted me. Our chemistry was awesome, we had fun….and I can’t figure out what I dd wrong.

To text him or not to text him….help!

Katie