The Swiss Male – Who Is He?

Posted by masterwriter on November 23rd, 2007

The general consensus is that Italian men are over-groomed and thus too feminine to be attractive and British men are under-groomed – too thugish.  So are Swiss men getting it right? 

As a new arrival from Australia said to me recently:

“I love living in Switzerland.  Here I can put on a jacket and a scarf and not be considered a poof.”

In true Swiss style they watch then take a little from everywhere:  Italian belt or shoes; French accessories; shirts from the UK, and hey presto they are the biggest managers of the world’s private wealth.  How did that happen?  I suppose the secret is not to explore your feminine side too far.

The thing about Swiss men, aside from the just-right sartorial elegance, is that they are a bit dead from the neck down.  They don’t seem to notice women and have yet to master the art of flirting. When I look up the Swiss-French vernacular for flirting “draguer” in the dictionary this is what it says:  “To fish with a dragnet; to dredge; mines to sweep; to drag” and only finally as an after-thought, “to chat up.”  Now that is proof that they have their priorities wrong.  Work and food before love/flirting.

I made a joke the other day with a Swiss workman who was changing the water tank in a friend’s office.  “The fountain of Youth” is what I meant to say, referring to his lovely water, but because my brain doesn’t always work the way it should in French, it came out as the “Fountain of Orgasm” (jouissance instead of Jeunesse)….everyone looked very embarrassed.  Back in the UK this would have been acceptable banter and would have gone on all night.  My Swiss workman scurried out the door à grande vitesse home to get his dindins.

I like going back to the U.K. for many reasons: being able to have a nice chat with a stranger and not be considered a psychopath for one but also because I get the odd admiring look – especially if I have been to the hairdressers – you men are suckers for straight shiny hair.  The same happens in France as well as Italy where young and old women are shown the same appreciation.

The day I met my husband he gave me a serious and no doubt excellent run down of the employment market in the Geneva area, along with an exploration of the issues surrounding the housing market for that decade, whilst I gazed longingly into his eyes.  A lesson on how to pick up a woman Swiss-German style.  Mind you so smitten was I, I was willing to be dragged, mine swept, dredged or whatever he had in mind.

So why do Swiss men lack appreciation of the female form?  I asked he who was closest to hand and happens to be Swiss (he’s stopped lecturing now thank god.)

My at home Mr. Switzerland tried to duck out with a “I’m not representative” then hearing my guffaws,”You scare them”, he said.  I tried again reminding him of his DNA.  ”I haven’t a clue,” he said with his head in the cheese compartment of the fridge which made me suspicious – maybe my Swiss hubby was having an affair with our five day old Brie aux Truffes.  Over dinner and a glass of wine he came out with the following nugget:  “It’s all behind closed doors.  Don’t forget these Calivinists are very uptight so it has to be very huis clos.”

I agree with him on that.  Over the years we have a little saying we use to describe friends whom we suspect of having mistresses - ”a Geneva arrangement.”

So the sneaky Swiss eh?  At least my man is only a cheese lover and although his flirting is about as elegant as a grimy dredger next to Chateau Chillon, he still does it for me in a plain white t-shirt, bare feet and a pair of faded Levis. 

Copyright Jules Ritter November 2007

  

Most Popular Posts, The Swiss Man 8 Comments

masterwriter said,

November 24, 2007 @ 10:15 am

Graham sent this to me in an email. Just about sums it up I think.

You mustn’t forget that the Swiss are an intense race, but there is no less pulling and pick-up done by Swiss men than by their counterparts in Barcelona, Paris or Stockholm. They just don’t do it the same way. Swiss women enjoy discussions about banking and mortgages on the first date. He may look drop-dead gorgeous – but he has a serious side that will make an honest partner and provider. (Blimey, on re-reading, I realise I’ve described my daughter and her husband)

Swiss women don’t like a “draguer” and rarely fall for his charm. This is not to say they don’t like a man with humour and passion, they do. But there’s a time and place.

I was married to a wonderful and sexy Swiss woman who had all the cold calculated skills of a UBS strategist, but she also loved to flirt and used her femininity as part of her business plan. A nice image would be a severe anthracite suit with knee length skirt (you just know that there are stockings and suspenders even if there aren’t), heels and a crisp white blouse with one button more than convention would allow, undone. But, if I even so much looked at a waitress or a shop assistant or the girl by the pool. I got the cold antiseptic UBS sting over dinner five hours later, and the accusations would fly. “You were undressing her with your eyes”, “you looked ridiculous, your tongue was almost hanging out”.

I suppose the rationale of the story is that, traditionally. Swiss men don’t flirt, because Swiss women don’t like it.

Marina Marangos said,

November 29, 2007 @ 8:21 am

OH GOD Julie I dare not write this for fear of being thrown out by irate swiss men if they are ever that but in the six years I have lived here now and I have not met a swiss man who I would call drop dead gorgeous either on the intellectual or the physical side. You are a lucky woman

Valerie said,

February 16, 2008 @ 12:50 pm

WOW -THANK YOU for clearing up alot of well what I may have already known. Been in a 2 year on again -off again relationship with a swiss man, I myself am American. Its strange as I know he cares for me I have always felt he sort of had a block up or there was something just slight off with our relationship, I think this whole anti-romance vibe in switzerland could be a big part of it. I feel bad for the swiss men, apparently the swiss women are terrible in bed, besides often very plain looking with zilch personality. Sounds like a winning combination. I went to one of his friends partys and as no one was polite enough to come say hello, I’d go round and introduce myself as Martin’s girlfriend etc, well they seemed a bit wierd in their reactions very cautcious and almost nervous in response. Needless to say it was the worst party I have ever been too and I am still convincing my boyfriend to move to New York, as I think I’m too flashy for switzerland, once you have your fill of good chocolate, ski a little, and of course fondue, proceed to the exit…you’ve done it all.

Anyway thanks for writing the article, it may do many confused Americans good! Found everything to be very true!

Alicia said,

April 18, 2008 @ 4:33 am

I find what you have written so entertaining, and somewhat relieving. I too, like Valerie, have been in an on again, off again relationship with a Swiss man for the past 2 years. Although he is very outgoing for a Swiss, there are times when he would just completely shut off. Sometimes he makes me feel like a math problem in the bedroom which is an incredible turn-off.
I myself am Canadian, we met when he was studying English in Vancouver and we immediately hit it off. We dated for ages in Vancouver, then he went back home. Last summer I visited him in Switzerland. We later took off on a supposedly romantic, 2 week holiday in Italy during which, at one point, he completely shut off emotionally and physically for 5 days for no apparent reason. No sex, hugs, no kisses, not even hand-holding.. nada. Of course, as a typical woman i was analyzing like no tomorrow and panicking. When I confronted him about it he thought I was absolutely nuts.
It drives me crazy the way they can just turn it off! But alas, at least they aren’t horn-dogs like most men from almost every other nation. Women rarely get the opportunity to have a chase in a relationship, and it must be the reason why he stands out against every other guy I have dated.
He is way warmer and more adventurous when he is in Canada, and I wish I could find a way of tearing him away from Switzerland. But the Swiss are so stubborn!!! What do you think would be the chances of taking a stuck-in-their-way, Swiss man out of Switzerland?

Jules Ritter said,

April 28, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

Hi Alicia,

So I will put my agony aunt hat on for a few moments and try to reply to your well-founded concerns. Firstly there is no chance in hell that you will get him out of Switzerland now. The Swiss male is a creature from planet Zog and although he plays around the world and has fun when it comes to settling down and working at a career he will want to stay in Switzerland where it is safe and he is understood by all the other Zoggers. Having said that, any relationship/marriage is a compromise and what you have to do is work out whether you love him enough to stay here with him and enjoy all the good things about life here and with a Swiss who will be a good provider (work ethic) and father to any children you may have. If you have an outgoing personality and by the sounds of it you do, then it will take hard work, not like back home in Canada, to make a life for yourself here with lots of other fun expats but you can do it.

Another thing is that you have to still fancy him that’s for sure. When you are at a party do you look across the room and think, yay that’s my man!? If you do then that feeling will see you through the sometimes boring times and frustration of being a perpetual tourist and in a bi-cultural marriage which has it good and bad points. That going into their cave thing is ALL men btw not just the Swiss although the Swiss get first prize at it. Ignore it, do your own thing. Have more confidence in yourself and his love for you and just wait for him to come back, which he will, he just needs space.

Good Luck, hope it all works out.

LOVE BMW'S ONLY said,

August 5, 2008 @ 2:15 pm

i only started seeing a swiss man. he is much older than i am, but he is the sweetest most caring most romantic person i have ever met.
im afraid to say i love him coz i just met him, but deep down i truly do and would love to have his kids ( kid )
but then again come to think of it, maybe he is a changed kind of swiss man coz he has been in africa for almost 30 years… maybe we have changed him some how…. anyhow, what ever it is… love him to bits.

Marina Kienitz said,

August 7, 2008 @ 8:43 pm

Hello Everyone, hello Jules,
When I first typed “relationships with swiss men” in google I was not at all expecting to find almost all the answers to my questions in the first web site I clicked on. Well….I really have a question to make…I am behind all you guys that have written above, probably I am younger…but not THAT young…28 years. not married and not in a relationship. Anyways, got here about 4 years ago, in Neuchâtel. I am myself Brazilian (yes, you can imagine how shocking the differences are for me) and have a job at a sports marketing agency, where I am not really forced to speak or know french…etc etc. Problem number one, my French is alright, but not at all fluent to have cool and fast conversations among other french speakers.
So far got already a few affairs with Swiss men, really short ones, younger guys …. 23 probably. And now that I met this guy, older…I just cannot understand what are his intentions with me. Specially after just going through a smooth disappointment with a 31 year-old guy. this one used to sail with me. We would everyday invite each other for sailing, my hobby, his hobby, and after go for dinner, at a restaurant, his place, or my place…it was taking sort of long and I could not understand why the hell he could be spending so much time with me if he was not interested. One day I got tired. I invited him home for dinner, cooked a nice meal, and literally (and ridiculously) I tried to “grab” him. he went out of my way and started with this talk that this is not what he wanted right now, to get attached because probably after finishing his PHD he would move to another country, bla bla bla….AND that he spent so much time with me because he likes me as a friend. I was brokenhearted, and felt I lost two months with all this non-sense story. I still have my doubts if he REALLY was not interested or if he was just putting work in first place and being rational….
Well, I moved on and now something has been going on (at least in my brazilian imagination) with another sailor I know from the sailing club I go. Since we met we always did send sms’s sometimes, just speaking about the weather or whatever, but he never asked me for anything else then sailing, which I never made until this month, because I had the other guy still in the loop. Now, other guy is over and I sort of re-met this new one, that must be around 36 years old. Since we are catching up more often, I asked him out for a beer, and the night I go to see him at the bar for the beer, he brought one (boy)friend with him, and after, another three friends of him joined us! Imagine my face….expecting a date of two people ended up in a table chat with me and 4 men! SMS’s still go on, sometimes he is really cute and texts me saying “sorry I left you onshore today but it was too windy to go with the boat, but you should have stayed for the pizza afterwards…” – bla bla bla. Last we were meant to “meet in the club for sailing or waiting for the wind while chatting and training my french” (his words), but he texted me two days before saying he could not make it anymore because he had to visit his nephew in murten or around. Sometimes he texts me explaining all his week and the reasons why he cannot go for a beer or go sailing with me. So, question is, to me even with small clues it looks like he is interested, but he never asked me for anything else then sailing. Normally when we catch up out of the water is me asking….so I am scared of him being just another sailing freak like the first one….that wants boats rather then women….I also do not know if he has a girlfriend….I doubt so…but never asked. With a latin guy I would have known already ages ago if he was or not interested….I just do not want to waste my feelings if he is not into me….I want to know at once…if is only for the sailing, fine, I like that as well…but better know soon. making straight questions to swiss men is a good way?? or they do not react well to that?? they would take the first step? or this guy is going to keep taking me sailing until the moment I feel pushed to try to grab him as I did with the other?? haha….ow God…sorry for all that…does someone here have a wise comment for me? I am lost…AND feeling lonely in CH….
Thank you Jules for one day having created this topic!
Marina

Jules Ritter said,

August 10, 2008 @ 7:39 pm

Marina, my poor love, forget about him! He’s a loser, stringing you along and he has missed the boat (sorry for the pun couldn’t resist). I spent a year in Neuchâtel at the Uni there and it appears that things have changed not a bit. We foreigners are regarded as animals in a petting zoo – okay to look at and perhaps dabble with but marry? Quel horreur what would mother say? Forget the Swiss honey, go find yourself another expat who knows about the rules of dating and one who has a bit of testosterone floating about his body. Or try as I did a Swiss German now they are a better bet. You’re Brazilian? you must be hot so don’t waste your time and certainly don’t let their loser attitude to life, and sex and love get you down. Best of luck! Jules

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